Following a conversation with my Fiancee all about that one annoying item of clothing I love but can barely wear due to wardrobe malfunctions (I shall explain more later!) I got thinking about all those very annoying problems clothing can cause throughout the day, making your day just that bit more annoying and throwing you off your confidence for an otherwise on point outfit.
1. Pockets
Why can't we have practical pockets on womens clothing?!
Yes I get that skinny jeans + phone = weird bulge, also that it means those stores can cater to you with a variety of handbags to store those bits in instead, but then why give fake pockets, or pockets so teeny tiny that they are indeed useless.
My favourite ever jeans I buy a pair per year from Zara, it does have four very real but very tiny pockets, but it also has four separate zippers to create pocket effects where there are indeed no pockets.
Women know there's no real pockets, men now know they are the hoarders of all the pockets, so why keep up the lie?!
2. Skirt + Tights = ?!?!?!?!??!??
We all have that one super cute dress or skirt that we love, but it's just a little too short to wear for every day without some thick black tights.
I have one or two dresses like this, one of which was the topic for my rant at Edd due to my lovely gingham shirt dress from Missguided that although looks great with tights, it walks itself up at the front to give the effect of a hungry clothes eating vagina.
It's not always riding up at the front tho, sometimes it can be at the back giving more of a clothes eating arse look instead.
I've read up on tips and the only one seems to be wearing a silky slip in between to get rid of any friction, but then that creates another drama of slips showing and they don't seem to be made in mini skirt length.
*sigh* step step, adjust, step step, adjust.
3. Your Most Comfortable Bra will Become Your Most Uncomfortable
We all hunt around and find that perfect and comfortable bra eventually, splashing out between £30-£100 for an over the shoulder boulder holder if it fits like a dream and makes you believe you'll feel super comfortable forever.
You won't.
You'll start wearing it every day just because it's so comfortable and eventually it will start to warp.
You may get a few good months until the inevitable downfall when the wires start to poke into your skin, your boobs start to sneak out of the bottom somehow, and you can't wait to take it off at the end of the day.
And Burn It.
4. Camel Toe/ Jean Boners....
A fate worse than the appearance of a skirt eating vagina is the actual pants eating vagina.
Camel toe is the most uncomfortable thing ever, a constriction on your lady parts thats damn near impossible to hide too, and it would be terribly unladylike to pull it out of there.
Worst offenders are hot pants, disco pants, 40's style high waist pants that aren't long enough to include a crotch, and most underwear. No wait....all underwear.
Opposite end is the dreaded jean boner, the excess bit of fabric over the zip that makes an appearance whenever you sit down in public.
Although there's usually nothing in there that could poke out we still get embarrassed over the illusion of an erection.
This does however also happen to men, who have more reason to get a little red on the cheeks and flustered in these situations.
5. Extremely Thin Clothing
I'm not taking about size 0 or 00 here, I'm talking about actual fabric thickness, and why we don't have it.
Every winter I go jumper shopping, and most nice looking sweaters are about as thin as a T-shirt, therefore completely useless for the impending weather.
It may be cos I'm very petite, or maybe because I'm ageing but I'm so cold all the time, from November through to March I wear fur lined thermal leggings underneath my jeans or tights every single day, plus about 4-5 layers on my top half and still I'm pretty cold.
If when I didn't wear thermals I couldn't feel every gust of wind blowing right through my jeans I would be rather happy and a lot less bacteria breeding.
T-shirts are always pretty much see through nowadays, good luck ever trying to find a basic white t-shirt that won't show the entirety of your bra including the hello kitty patterns, dresses offer little to no protection, and my skin is somewhat like lizard womans now after the past winter (only it's not really, check my last post!).
Please when we are paying more inflated and inflating prices for items of clothing than we used to (looking at you, Topshop) then can they actually adequately cover our skin from the elements?!
In the meantime I shall sit here in these thin items, trying to not end up like Jack Nicholson in the Shining.
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| It's not Leslie Knope, but it's the perfect example of me in the winter! |
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