Quite glad to have been far far away from London and the influx of paparazzi, screaming tourists, and the occasional hungover sore loser celebrity crawling over the floor of a Starbucks looking for a triple shot espresso come Monday morning.
While we can never afford the outfits adorning the bodies of those strutting the red carpets, in fact one may have cost more than my whole wardrobe, we can dissect their choices, or should that be the stylists choices, while we play Tip or Fire the Stylist - BAFTA edition!
First up is this dreamy green number worn by Lupita Nyong and designed by Christian Dior. The striking shade compliments her skin tone beautifully, and the simple gold accessories are both subtle and eye catching. This stylist deserves more green for this green.
Power couple who work solely on bone structure alone, Jolie and Pitt (Jopitt?! Polie!?) must have been so embarrassed when the other turned up in the same outfit, how embarrassing when two people are wearing the same thing, but your own partner?! Oh god, the worst.
Angelina goes for Yves Saint Laurent while Brad opts for Valentino.
Maybe just get their stylists to swap numbers before next time....?
I actually fell in love with this dress a little, simply because when Amy Adams took to the stage to present an award, I saw the full back zipper that zips from the floor upwards and immediately it hit me.
"It's a fancy gown, but you can totally go pee when wearing it!" Why don't more over the top gowns come with this as an option!?!
I was surprised to learn it was designed by Victoria Beckham, but I guess she has worn a lot of stupidly restrictive "strap that colostomy bag to your thigh" awards dresses.
Cate-constant-smug face-Blanchett steps out in a number by Alexander McQueen, and I see that the Vagina Highlighting fashion started by Beyoncé at the Grammys has continued on with this clear but not see through framing of where the ovaries sit, I kinda wish it had the lines and names on the diagram. I think her stylist either was having a cheeky joke, or thought it was an area worth highlighting for us all to finally notice. We all have that one asset we like to show off, for me it's my legs, for some it's their boobs, but I guess ovaries can be one too..?
I would give my left testicle for this dress, they only ever get in the way anyway.
This green column worn by Michelle Rodriguez has amazing details added in leather. But sadly the necklace ruins the neckline, and the hair should be up to show off the best past of this outfit, the details. Keep stylist, have words with hairdresser, and remember even if the necklace was free, it doesn't mean you have to wear it.
You know when you wear a sequinned number, and loads of things get wrapped up in the sequins? Stray hairs, fluff, fringing if you're wearing the two, and seemingly here, dust bunnies? Soggy empty loo roll cardboard? I would love to take some scissors to those greige flower details, and it would make only a mild improvement. Get rid of your stylist Juliet Stevenson, and shame on you, designer Jaquez Azagury.
This is how to wear silver, this silver tux with red detail, perfectly accented by the red detail in the shoes is stunningly flattering, while being completely covered up, which is the right choice given recent weather here.
This is Ruth Wilson (yeah, I don't know either) wearing Antonio Beradi.
This stylist deserves to look as smug as Cate Blanchett always does.
There were more worse outfits this year than good, so here's my collection of the worst outfits before the best and worst final looks, all with their own one liner, oh I mean description....
Grecian maternity chic, now in bland.
This looks like the duvet cover I threw out last week, Gillian Anderson's been at my bins.
Not everyone can pull off 60's last minute maternity wedding dress, and I'm yet to see it done.
Get to Gretna green before your waters break.
How to look really really awkward in two easy steps. 1. Wear this 2. Be obviously uncomfortable.
I don't think I even need to say anything here.
And now back to it....!
Clashing colours with the carpet like a rebel! Naomi Harris wearing a plunging neck hot pink number designed by Gucci, showing off all her best assets in a revealingly dignified way. Of course you always accessorise hot pink with black accessories, but sometimes going by numbers is the best bet.
Well done stylist, clichéd statement about being tickled pink.
What the what? lily Allen steps out in a number by Vivienne Westwood who really faltered here when it came to clashing colours, the dress clashes with the dress, the clutch is a completely different shade of red, and the hair piece makes her look like an extra from Fraggle Rock.
Sometimes I dress like this too, when the post as knocks and I run to the door wrapped in only a bed sheet. "Is that a Westwood?" He asks, I lie "yes" glad he thinks I'm dressed by noon....
Special mentions have to go to Emma Thompson, as she seems the only guest smart enough to have worn one of those things we refer to as a coat... I wouldn't be surprised if she got there via the tube, she seems down to earth enough that I would easily believe there's an oyster card in this coat pocket.
Also because she went for daft pout while posing with model Laura Bailey, props Thompson, props.
Now there's only the Oscars to go, but first I have to give my thanks to those for helping make this post possible.
I'd like to thank my eight fingers, they make a great team. The partnership of My Two Thumbs, the TV for being on the right channel at the right time, my iPad for taking the brunt of my prodding and poking..... and most of all my brain for putting together words in sentences I hope made sense...
*Pause for Applause*
